Improve Physical Intimacy - How a Man Can Accomplish It

Improve physical intimacy? Is there a way for the average man to accomplish this? Men are usually a little rough around the edges, yet a woman usually has dreams of romance from her man. She may find his ruggedness attractive, but she also probably dreams of a more tender side for her mate. Her "Prince Charming" may not have those natural tendencies. Since she often views all of life as being interrelated, his lack of tenderness, loving words, and even charm may keep her enjoyment of physical intimacy from being as great as it could be. What's a man to do?

Deference is what a man often does for his wife. While modern society seems to lessen the importance of a man's leadership in his home, the Bible does indicate that a man is to exercise such leadership. That, however, does not mean that he is to be a dictatorial tyrant. Most men do not want such a position of tyranny. The Bible indicates that even the man who views himself as a responsible leader in his home "lives to please his wife." That is why he often defers to his wife. He should not go overboard in this natural tendency. He may desire so much to please his wife that he may be tempted to put her even above God. That would not help matters, but he often does defer to his wife's wishes.

The loving wife who respects her husband, and builds him up, reaps the benefit of his desiring even more to please her. This gives her a great position of influence. The more that she defers to him, the more he desire to reciprocate by deferring to her. This keeps a biblical marriage from being involved in a constant struggle. Since the husband lives to please his wife, he will want to please her in every way he can. If he suspects that her enjoyment of physical intimacy could be improved, he will want to do what he can to bring that about.

Tenderness and Touch

One of the things a husband can do is to learn to be tender toward his wife. She often has a need to feel that he tenderly loves her. He, in learning this tenderness, will also do well to make an extra effort to make her feel special. The Bible, speaking of a wife, does not say that she is a weaker vessel, though she often is physically weaker than he, but it says for the husband to treat her as the weaker vessel. This statement points out a need for him to act in tender loving ways.

The man will need to understand the power of a caress. Most men are visually motivated, and most women are motivated more by touch. (These are generalities. If a women is very visually oriented, or if a man is motivated more by touch, that does not mean anything is wrong with either of them. Still, these generalities have been observed for many years by those who study marriage.) The man who learns to tenderly and lovingly caress his wife can improve their experience of physical intimacy in marriage. Since the man is like a microwave, he is instantly on at first sight. The woman however, like the electric stove, will be like the burner that is first cool, and then begins to warm up. His tender touch can cause that warming sensation.

Romance

Many men are not naturally romantic. This, however, is a skill that can be learned. One of the killers in a marriage is boredom. When the man becomes more romantic at other times besides lovemaking, he adds more variety to the whole marriage. Remember the wife often tends to view all of life as being interrelated. How can a man learn these things? He can pay attention to what makes her smile as she watches romantic movies. He can observe other men who seem to have caught on to this skill. He can read about ways to be more romantic, and if their relationship is very good, he can even ask his wife.

Some other things he can do are to verbally express his love and show affection. He can say that he loves her. He can give her kisses several times during the day.

I have heard of one counselor who has had good success by telling the husband to hug and kiss his wife at several times during the day. He even gave the husband things to say. These husbands did not do these things naturally, but they did them anyway because they truly did love their wives. In many case, the wife knew that the husband was doing these things as an "assignment" rather them doing them spontaneously. After, a few days, it did not matter that this was an assignment. Things did begin to improve. The husbands got into the habit of the right words and actions, and later those words and actions did become natural expressions from them.

Can a man improve physical intimacy in marriage? Surprisingly, what he learns to do outside of the marriage act will often pay great dividends when he and his wife come together for physical intimacy. He certainly can improve this important area of their marriage if he is willing to observe and listen, and put into practice what he learns.

(Copyright 2008 by Randy Carney) This article is based on an excerpt from a chapter in Dr. Carney's forthcoming book, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss. (Extra links added by original author for this entry only.)

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New Low for STF

I started this week at 214. This is the second week on the STF program. I held that same weight the first day of this week, and was a half pound lower on Wednesday. Today, I am at 210.5. That is down 3.5 pounds this week, and it is 5.5 pounds below the starting weight. Again, I want the average to be about 2 pounds a week. 1 pound would be O.K. Anything above that is great.

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Starting Second Week of Strip That Fat

We took off from our diets this weekend. (This is a variation from the proram. The program recommends a three-hour period of taking off from you diet--not for a whole weekend.

I started at 216 and ended at 211 on Friday. This is quite fast. Most diet programs recommend losing about 2 pounds a week. We had Fall Festival (Church activity) this weekend, and we went out to eat at a Mexican Restaurant after church yesterday. I did gain back some and started at 214 this morning. That is still a net loss of two pounds for last week, so I am O.K. with that. One of the things we were excited about tonight was eating "potatoes o'brien" for supper. A serving was only 60 calories, and there were no calories from fat. The olive oil that we cooked it in actually had more calories than the potato serving itself.

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Setback and Progress

Yesterday morning, I had a little setback. Wednesday was the day that I had eaten the least calories. Yesterday morning, though, I had gained back a half pound. I continued on with the Strip That Fat plan, however, and this morning I lost another pound and a half. (I know that weighing daily sometimes is not advocated, but I wanted to see daily progress, or lack thereof. There are a variety of reasons why there are some daily fluctuations.) That makes a total of five pounds this week. I would like to lose about two pounds a week, so this momentum right at the beginning is very exciting.

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Three Pounds

The is Wednesday, our third day on the Strip That Fat program. Last night, was our first night for eating out. We went to a national chain that has specials on Tuesdays for Mexican foods. We were metting at the restaurant, and my wife ordered for me because she got there first. She ordered soft chicken tacos for her and she ordered hard-shell beef tacos for me. She thought the chicken would be lower in calories, fat, and cholesterol than the hard-shell beef tacos. We asked for an information sheet, and the cashier went to the back of the store and brought one out to us. Surprise! mine were 10 calories less than hers. Mine were also lower in fat and cholesterol. How could this be? The only information we didn't have was the amount of meat in the tacos. We speculate that hers contained more than mine.

Anyway, I weighed this morning and weighed three pounds less than yesterday. That makes a total loss of four pounds since we started on Monday. I don't suffer from any illusions that I might not gain on a particular day, but this is quite encouraging so far.

You might want to try it. As with anything, you can't just read about it, you do have to put it into practice. So far, we are satisfied and don't feel hungry, although I confess I thought about something sweet about 9:00 last night, but I passed it up.

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Strip That Fat

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I have taken perhaps a bold move to go out on a limb and tell you how this product works for me. I signed up for it last week.

While this is very personal, I will let you know that my starting weight as I started working with the product was 216 pound. My wife and I are on similar but slightly different versions of the program. Strip That Fat gives you several different options for losing weight. I am using a combination of using customized menus that the product generated for me using my preferences and the process of counting calories, which they also give you good handle on.

The first day on the program, I lost a half pound. The second day, I lost another half pound. That's where we are right now. Still very new.

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