Cleaving and Tenacity by Dr. Randy Carney

"Be tenacious!" I yelled to my daughter in the middle of a volleyball game. She was in high school at the time. Tenacity was a concept with which the team was familiar, but the words, "tenacity, tenaciousness, and tenacious" were not words we used very often. It became a standing joke that at some time, during any game, I would yell out, "Be tenacious."

Being tenacious implies that one will "hold firmly." As related to cleaving, it relates to the idea of "sticking or holding together like an adhesive."

Couples who cleave to each other will be very difficult to pry apart. Their love motivates them to stick together. The intimacy that develops over a period of time promotes a natural adhesion to each other. Since intimacy feels so good, it promotes an increased level of commitment. Couples who cleave to each other do so with tenacity.

As you look with the eyes of imagination upon your own marriage, you could view it as a great contest between the success of your marriage and the forces that would tear it apart. As you are the imaginary onlooker, cry out--not with your mouth, but in the depths of your soul--"Be tenacious!"

Marriage is fun, but it requires toughness. That is where the tenacity comes in. Every marriage will have hard places. Some of those places may not be of the couple's making. Some of them, however, will come about because of the process of having to adjust to living with another person.

Diverse individuals try to live together in marriage. We have to learn the art of "good compromise." We also have to learn balanced compromise where both couples move away from their preconceived positions, as opposed to just one person always making a change. When the going gets tough, (in the case of marriage) the tough stay together.

Couples who cleave to each other can endure almost any trial. First of all, they approach new situations, disappointments, and changes with confidence. They may not know how things are going to turn out, but one thing they are sure of is that, no matter what happens, they will face the trial together.

This confidence develops because of their known commitment to each other. When they see that their partner has supported them in the past, they will not be as fearful when new situations arise.

Another reason why couples who cleave to each are able to do so tenaciously is because of the support they receive from each other. We are told that "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor." A couple that supports each other can be tenacious when difficult times come.

Cleaving requires tenacity.

As an imaginary spectator looking at your own marriage, cry out to yourself from the very depth of your soul, "Be tenacious!"

(Copyright 2008 by Randy Carney.) This article is an adaptation of a short excerpt from a chapter in Dr. Carney's forthcoming book: The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss.

About the Author
Dr. Randy Carney has worked with married couples for more than 30 years. The difficulty of achieving intimacy seems to be a major hurdle that, if overcome, brings success in any marriage. Did you find these major steps to intimacy useful? For more articles like these, go to http://randysarticles.blogspot.com/. You also can learn a lot more about how further secrets to marital bliss can help you here: Secrets of Marital Bliss.